on parenting

Being a parent is HARD. There are so many trying times. Frustration is a feeling that you feel on almost a daily basis. The smallest thing, be it the way your child reacts to something, or the way you react can make you second guess yourself as a good parent. Other people, whether they are parents or not, seem to think that in order for you to be a good and effective parent, your child has to act a certain way, eat certain things, be smarter than other kids their age, etc., etc. Also, you as the parent must react accordingly. Never raise your voice. Don't spank. Speak soothingly. Yada, yada, yada.

I had a moment today where I just wanted to bury my head in my pillow and scream until I was hoarse. My 5 year old did something that just plain made me mad. Not frustrated, or annoyed, but MAD. Without going into specific detail, there was an accident that happened, that wasn't really an "accident". I happened to be nursing my 11 week old during said "accident", which was probably a good thing, because it caused me to make sure I kept my cool even that much more. And, of course, the rest of the day I've had to keep my frustration in check because everything the 5 year old does today is getting on my nerves. This, in turn, makes me feel like a failure as a parent. I know, logically, that I'm not, but the feeling is still there, bubbling under the surface. Aren't us moms supposed to be perfect? Aren't we supposed to be ever understanding of our child's behavior? Aren't we supposed to want to be around our children every second of every day? Plain and simple the answer to all of those questions is NO! We are human. And, to be frank, our kids can be little monsters sometimes, no matter how "good" we are at this whole parenting thing.

Now, before you all label me as a Negative Nelly, let me say that there is a whole other side of being a parent as well. There are so many moments that make your heart swell with so much love and joy that you think it's going to burst. My kids are truly the most important things in my life. I love them so incredibly much! There is nothing like looking into the face of your giggling child. And nothing breaks your heart more than looking into the eyes of your child when they are sad. From the giggles to the belly laughs to the snuggles to the pure adoration and love that come from your child. There is really nothing better. And, if I have to take a few frustrating, pull your hair out kind of days along the way, I'm more than willing. Bring it on! Because being a parent is the best thing in the world.

If this post seems to be a rambling one, then I apologize. I just wrote was I was thinking at the moment.